This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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