oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
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Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
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Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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