exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
