I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
