Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize