So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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