I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
