isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
