the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Come see our sink grown plant.
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I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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