How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
