Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
