These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
