Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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