Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
