I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
