I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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