i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think my vagina is haunted
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
