So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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