I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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