my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
