So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
