this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
