Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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