a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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