Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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