Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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