At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize