I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
