I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
