I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
