Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
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We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
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We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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