1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
