I got chris browned last night
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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