The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
