the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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