Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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