Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize