Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
