You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
