i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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