i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
