he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
