Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
