Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize