I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
