I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
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