smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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