so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
