no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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