Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
This house was built for laser tag.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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