guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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