Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Pappa wants mamma naked
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
