i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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