Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize