its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
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this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
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I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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