He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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