I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
