just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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