he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
