I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
