if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
