Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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